Cut the Shit

Haikus and Pickle Juice

I’ve been sitting here staring at the computer screen trying to come up with SOMETHING to write about. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I had a million topics I wanted to discuss, but now that I’m at the keyboard, it’s like my brain has turned into full blown mush. Kind of like oatmeal. Cinnamon raisin flavored.

Maybe writing a haiku will get this post off the ground:

Jerked off this morning
After leaving the shower
Dried spunk on my chest

Nah, that did nothing, but gross me the fuck out. And remind me that I should always jerk off BEFORE getting into the shower. Odd thing is, I jerked off twice before I went to bed last night. My dick has been totally insatiable over the last few days. I jerk and I jerk and it vomits cum. So odd and pleasurable. Fine…and erotic too. I need a jerk off buddy. Anyone up for the challenge? Please have nice arms that I can hold on to while I jerk, ok?

Paul rolled into bed at around 5:30am this morning. He was out partying after work with some of his lame friends. And by “lame”, I mean gay. I’m not a huge fan of his gay friends, but I tolerate them the way he tolerates the intensity of my close girl friends. He thinks we’re all a bunch of crazy cackling chickens (yay alliteration!) and I think that he and his friends are a bunch of over the top boozehounds. And they go to skanky bars, but that’s not the point.

The point is that when Paul got into bed, the dog bounded in after him. I woke up and was like “What the fuck is going on?” Paul mumbled something like “I, uh, when I think about, um…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. I laid there staring at the ceiling listening to him snore his face off. Then Tyler left the bedroom, grabbed a bone and started chomping on it on the other side of the bed. There was so much noise going on I wanted to rip my hair out. I kicked Paul in the shins and he went “OW! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”, then I tried to grab the bone away from Tyler, but he caught on to me and scooted even farther away. “CRUNCH CRUNCH”, “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”, “CRUNCH”, “ZZZZZZZZ”! ARGH! I got up and showered and wouldn’t you know it…the minute I look back in the bedroom, Tyler and Paul were curled up together silently sleeping their faces off. Figures.

Last night I was playing cards online for a little while and then watched some TV and went to bed. I wasn’t that hungry, so I decided to forgo dinner. But then I woke up at 2am absolutely famished. I got out of bed, stood in the kitchen and ate about an entire jar of pickles. Man, I just love pickles. In fact, I love them so much, I decided to take a sip of the pickle juice. That wasn’t the best idea ever. My stomach clenched and then I knew it was time to put the jar back in the fridge. Good story.

I just saw a kid in my building that has the smallest ass I’ve ever seen. It’s literally this big: ( )

I want to pinch it and call him baby stink butt. But I might lose my job.

Man, I’m writing about some damn stupid shit today. And you’re reading it. Which is worse?

(20 minutes later)

Well I just got some good news! There’s some guy at my job that’s come in to evaluate my organization and the way it runs, etc. They decided to interview about 100 students to find out how they feel about the way things are done here. Wellity…I was just informed that I received the highest rating of everyone here. The interviewer told me that the scores I received are virtually unheard of. How cool is that? I mean, it’s not like I’m being reviewed as an actor and becoming the top of the A list, but I do try to excel at everything I take part in. I work hard here and I try to always have a positive attitude. And it looks like it’s paying off – if not monetarily. It just makes me feel really good.

I’m so lame. I have to call my mom now and tell her about it. She gets so excited over stuff like that and I love sharing it with her.

In any case…have a great Wednesday all! And don’t drink pickle juice at 2am. It’s just not cool.